1. Driven around the block an extra time or six to avoid having to get the kids out of the car and begin parenting again.
2. Hidden just out of my kids view to secretly eat one of their snacks.
3. Watched a children’s show when there were no children in the room.
4. Questioned the origin story of various kid show characters. Seriously, what’s up with the man in the yellow hat?
5. Made disparaging remarks about cartoon characters under your breath. I have no patience for Izzy’s extremely liberal use of the pixie dust on Jake and the Neverland Pirates. It’s for emergencies only you wasteful tart!
6. Extended a trip to the bathroom beyond the call of duty so that I could play on my phone in peace for 5 flippin minutes while the hubby wrangles the kids.
7. Pretended that the CD player was broken to avoid hearing a song for the millionth time.
8. Pretended that the park was closed.
9. Pretended that Netflix was broken.
10. Pretended that the lollipop at the checkout counter was stuck down tight. Otherwise, I totally would have bought it.
11. Pretended that the controls to roll down the windows on the car don’t work on the freeway.
12. Pretended that one of my child’s toys just informed me that it was time to clean up/eat dinner/take a bath/go to bed.
13. Allowed my kid to wear pajamas all day-everywhere, because hey, they look like real clothes…kinda.
14. Given myself a mental high five for scoring the last race car double shopping cart in the supermarket parking lot.
15. Been pleased when my kids don’t like the sample they were handed at the grocery store. (3 hatch chili empanada bites all for me? Yes please.)
16. Felt wild and rebellious trying a wine sample at the store while pushing the race car double shopping cart.
17. Watched my toddler eat something – a crayon perhaps-and thought “eh what’s the harm.”
18. Changed a diaper and regretted my cavalier attitude about what my kids ingest.